Running Out of Conversation
by Connie H. Deutsch
Of all the things that make people feel inadequate or boring, running out of things to talk about ranks near the top. When the mind goes blank, and you can't think of anything to say, there is a self-consciousness that takes root and you start to feel like the most boring person in the universe.
It doesn't seem to matter how brilliant or successful you are, when you are in a relationship, most people eventually run out of new things to talk about with their partner. One of the most common complaints is "My husband or wife never talks to me" or "If I don't do the talking, or if I don't initiate the conversation, we wouldn't have any conversation at all."
A woman I knew, once said that the first two years of any relationship she has ever had, everything of interest or of importance gets discussed within those first two years. After that, she and the other person have very little to say that is either new and exciting, or interesting.
That has to be hell on her relationships because it puts her and her partner at an extreme disadvantage. It's as if all the energy and vitality that initially animated the relationship has been drained out and there is nothing left to sustain itself.
It's one thing to have heard each other's jokes being told time and again with different audiences, but it's an entirely different matter to sit at the dinner table night after night and have nothing more to say to one another than "How was your day?"
This problem is not limited to marriage partners; it is also something that exists between friends who see each other frequently or who talk on the telephone very often. It's tempting to cut to the chase and give each other a résumé with your complete history, a list of your likes and dislikes, a summation of your political leanings, your hot buttons, your interests and goals, and then see if you have anything left to talk about after the initial question and answer session is over.
I once heard a story about a woman who was exasperated with her husband's silences. No matter what she wanted to discuss, he always answered in monosyllables or just shrugged his shoulders and that was the end of the discussion.
One evening, they went to a restaurant and the wife was so distraught with her husband's silences that she said to him "If you don't want to talk about your day, and you don't want to talk to me about anything else that's going on in your life, at least pretend to be interested in me. If you can't think of anything to say, then tell me the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears so I can feel that you want to be sitting here with me."
The husband looked at her, paused, and then proceeded to tell her the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. He played the part of each of the bears, using different voices for each of the characters. His wife was captivated by the way he was narrating the story and so she listened intently to everything he was saying. In a moment of silence, they heard a woman at the next table say to her husband, "Why can't you talk to me like that man is talking to his wife? They look like they have been married a long time and yet he's talking to her like he really enjoys her company."
Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver. She is known throughout the world for helping clients find workable solutions to complex problems. Connie has hosted her own weekly radio show, been a weekly guest on a morning radio show, done guest spots on radio shows around the country, and appeared as a guest on a cable television show. Connie wrote a weekly newspaper Advice Column for sixteen years and has been invited to speak at local colleges and given lectures around the country. She also wrote the scripts for a weekly financial show on cable television. Connie is the author of the book, "Whispers of the Soul" and is the co-author of an E-book, "Getting Rich While the World Falls Apart" which is being offered as a free download on her website. She has also written and produced two CDs on Meditation and Relationships and has done coaching on customer service and employee relationships. Her website is http://www.conniehdeutsch.com
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