Some people object when intimate details are provided to describe sexual activity between two people. They assume that the author is either trying to impress or to shock.
I have provided personal details of my sex life for two main reasons.
When I first started out, I was tempted to talk about sex generally because it was embarrassing to be specific. Over time I learned that it was easy to end up talking at cross purposes unless you are very specific. One person's 'you know what I mean' is not necessarily the same as another's. In fact, shockingly they can be quite the opposite.
My observation is that many people talk generally about sex and even about female orgasm but no one provides any details about how a woman can reach orgasm in her real-life sexual relationship.
I have been specific for the benefit of other women. I experience my best orgasms from masturbation alone, no arousal whatsoever from intercourse and some highly pleasurable sexual arousal (and a kind of physical orgasm) from anal sex. I have also talked about how I incorporate my sexual fantasies into my sex life through physical sex play with my partner and by reading erotic literature as part of foreplay.
A sexually experienced and sexually adventurous woman
Naturally all of this is very shocking. But if heterosexual women want to enjoy orgasm then they need to admit to some erotic or 'naughty' thoughts and deeds. How else does a person become aroused enough for orgasm?
We know that women rarely pay for sex as men do. Equally, we accept that the stranger sexual behaviours such as fetishes and the whole range of -philias tend to be associated with men rather than women. Women are much less likely to masturbate or to be actively gay than men are. On top of all of this we also believe that women should limit their sex lives to vaginal intercourse.
The other reason that I want to be explicit about the details of my sexual experiences is in order to counteract people who will insist that I know nothing about sex, orgasm and fantasy. Inevitably when a woman admits to a lack of orgasm from sex, other people helpfully suggest she must be sexually inhibited, sexually ignorant or with a partner who is sexually incompetent.
So I need to tick all the boxes. OK - I've not had sex with hundreds of different men. But women who are promiscuous can be critcised for setting a 'bad example' to younger women. So I'm heterosexual. I've lived with my partner for over twenty years. I have three daughters. I am college educated and we have been adventurous with our sex life.
Over the years, like many other couples, we have found that achieving female orgasm as part of our sexual relationship is not easy. Others will claim otherwise but they never provide enough detail to make it clear that it is not just sexual bravado.
It is really quite ludicrous that in this day and age our understanding of sex depends on emotional beliefs.
So, although we all know that lesbian women use clitoral stimulation for orgasm and men use penile stimulation for orgasm, we accept heterosexual women's claims of orgasm without any genital stimulation whatsoever.
Naturally no one admits that their minds need to be full of smutty thoughts while they're doing it. So heterosexual women can claim that they reach orgasm without any need to acknowledge how they achieve sufficient psychological arousal for orgasm.
Jane Thomas author of www.WaysWomenOrgasm.orgWaysWomenOrgasm.org provides information about female sexuality including details of how women orgasm with a partner. The discussion of female sexuality covers women's orgasm techniques including their use of clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies.