Touch Me Like This
Time for Exercise: 20 minutes to several hours
Properties Required: water, oil, or silicone lubricants and sex toys (optional)
Steps:
- Invite your lover to an erotic demonstration of some ways you would like to be touched sexually.
- Set a time frame or leave time open-ended and see what develops.
- Be specific in showing and telling your lover what you want. Experiment with using proper anatomical names for body parts (e.g., vulva, vagina, penis, perineum) and exotic Eastern terms (e.g., lingam and yoni, jewel and lotus, jade stalk and cinnabar gate) as well as slang terms (e.g., prick and pussy) and your own playful names (e.g., dashing warrior and juicy peach blossom). Use words that turn you on and are clearly understandable for your partner.
- In addition to naming the part to be touched, you can also give the process, technique, movement, and so on a name. Use one you have found in a book or video, or one you make up, e.g., the “corkscrew” for manually stimulating the penis or “feather touch” for stroking the inside of a woman’s thighs.
- Give specific instructions for direction, speed, and pressure. Examples: clockwise, counterclockwise, circular, up and down, in and out; slow, agonizingly slow, slow with stops, fast, very fast; and light, feather light, almost not touching, firm, hard, bruising.
Variations:
- Take turns showing each other how you like to be touched.
- Demonstrate how you prefer to use lubricants and sex toys, such as dildos, anal plugs, anal beads, vibrators.
Comments:
Be sure you both understand this is a playful activity that has nothing to do with judgment or control. It is about adding variety and stimulating your lover’s creativity. Showing your lover how you want to be touched does not mean that you do not like the way you are touched now. This exercise also develops a common vocabulary to help you describe body parts and touch techniques, making it much easier to communicate effectively in a playful, non-threatening way during lovemaking.
Excerpted from our new book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn, 2007
